


I'll keep your brittle heart warm

by icarusfallen



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Misgendering, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Hwang Hyunjin, Side Chanlix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icarusfallen/pseuds/icarusfallen
Summary: Hyunjin has dodged every single one of the dates Jisung had tried to arrange between the two of them for the past week, allegedly being super busy with tests. And that would be believable if they didn’t go to the same university and Jisung knew there weren’t any tests to be had in the middle of October.It’s fine.Everything is just fine.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin
Comments: 14
Kudos: 190





	I'll keep your brittle heart warm

**Author's Note:**

> first fic in the fandom so i'm still testing out the characterization! this started out as a coming out fic and turned into a two people trying to learn how to navigate their relationship when they are slightly dumb and prone to miscommunication! 
> 
> this is obviously a work of fiction and i don't presume to know anyone's sexuality or gender identity! not to mention the experience with gender and sexuality of the characters in this fic are very personal and even if yours differ, they are both valid in their own way!
> 
> warnings for misgendering throughout the fic (since the pov character is unaware of the other's gender identity) as well as anxiety.
> 
> wanna thank nicka for betaing this for me, you're the best <3 
> 
> title from taylor swift - peace
> 
> hope you enjoy!

There’s no need for Jisung to check the time for him to know he’s late for movie night.

If asked about it – which he will be, if Minho hyung is in a mood – Jisung will have no other option but to blame his Harmony and Composition professor. The man had, after all, kept the students half an hour after the class was over because of a question someone had had the brilliant idea of asking. In spite of said student's complete disregard for the professor’s rambling tendencies, Jisung still had to drop by the dorm to leave his guitar before he went to Chan’s and Changbin’s shared apartment.

It’s… it’s _fine_. Everybody has been late at one point and they’ve all been made aware by the text he dropped in their shared group talk. It’s just that-

Well, Jisung didn’t want to arrive late and manage to somehow make Hyunjin madder at him that he already seems to be. Of course, Jisung cannot say for sure that his boyfriend is mad at him but the once overly excited texter, who would reply to his messages with about just as many emojis as he would send, had been awfully quiet lately. Hyunjin has dodged every single one of the dates Jisung had tried to arrange between the two of them for the past week, allegedly being super busy with tests. And that would be believable if they didn’t go to the same university and Jisung knew there weren’t any tests to be had in the middle of October.

It’s fine.

Everything is just fine.

If Hyunjin is attending movie night it’s impossible that he’s mad, right?

Jisung shoves all thoughts about his boyfriend, the ones that had kept his anxiety at a moderately high level the past couple of days, to the back of his head as he storms his dorm building. He half-heartedly waves a hello to Jaemin and Daehwi, who have stopped to chat on the corridor, and kicks his shoes off before entering his room. He has just about enough time to put his guitar down, wash his face and change into clothes that he hasn’t been wearing for the past five hours. Before he leaves, he promises to Daehwi that he’s going to ask Hyunjin to call him back, even though Jisung can’t even get his boyfriend to call _him_.

 _It’s fine_.

He resolutely refuses to worry too hard about this.

All the insecurities that used to cloud his mind when the two of them had started dating had been resolved with plenty of talking. Or rather, with Jisung talking and Hyunjin trying his best to reassure him with as many words as he could muster – sometimes they were plenty and sometimes he’d just run his long fingers through Jisung’s hair and tell him he loves him. That has always been enough. Hyunjin should be allowed to have bad days, a bad week even, when he doesn’t want to bother or be bothered by Jisung. That happened to Jisung once, barely a couple of months into their relationship, when the stress of first year of university had increased. It combined with the whole missing his parents thing as well as his previously diagnosed anxiety had led him to lock himself in his room – and Felix out – for an entire weekend, without speaking to anyone.

Isolating himself hadn’t been the best choice ever but at least by the time he got out, Jisung had been more willing to reach out to his therapist. He’s not going to pretend to know exactly what Hyunjin needs – if it’s space or for Jisung to reach out but regardless, he trusts his boyfriend enough to at least be honest when it comes down to it.

Jisung is almost out of breath by the time he makes it to the apartment. Their place is close enough to the dorms that there’s no need for him to take a bus back and forth yet it’s still far enough that Jisung couldn’t really afford not to pick up the pace, at least if he wanted to make it before they all collectively decided it was best to simply start the movie. He’s considerate enough to drop by a store and buy a few snacks, if only because he knows they are already going to give him enough shit for not being on time so he might as well try to compensate by filling their stomachs with stuff that is most definitely not nutritious.

There’s probably something in the contract Chan and Changbin signed that said they couldn’t give out the main door code to just anyone but if that’s the case the two of them completely ignored that as every single one of the members of their friends group are aware of it, not to mention all of the past girlfriends and boyfriends and their respective friends. _Ah, the perks of being rich and not having to rely on a dorm room_ , Jisung ponders as he waits for the elevator, _maybe I can convince them to rent something bigger next year_. It’s probably impossible, as their parents are not likely to be willing to pay more just so Jisung can live with the two of them, but he’s allowed to dream.

He catches the sound of Changbin’s laughter from inside the apartment as soon as he punches in the code and opens the front door. It’s followed by all of the boys greeting him all the way from the living room. None of them bother to come around as Jisung takes off his sneakers and replaces them with his familiar yellow slippers.

“We thought you were never going to come,” he rolls his eyes as Minho greets him with nothing but those words. “We started getting worried when Changbin finished getting ready before you arrived.” A pillow is thrown at his face and Jisung doesn’t need to look to know it was Changbin’s doing.

“Class ran late,” he explains, tossing the bag of snacks at Seungmin, who’s lying down on the floor next to Jeongin, entranced on his phone until he’s hit by the snacks. He doesn’t even complain, the patient angel he is, just taking the food from the bag and distributing them around. Everybody else is sprawled across the couch and the two armchairs – everybody except Hyunjin. “Where’s Hyunjin?”

“Kitchen,” it’s Chan who answers and Jisung pretends not to see Felix’s suspiciously neutral expression. “Getting the drinks.”

It’s weird. Hyunjin heard him coming in and didn’t bother to peak out of the kitchen to greet him? _Of course, he’s busy_ , Jisung considers as he makes his way to the room, _probably just wanted to finish what he’s doing._ He doubts his boyfriend volunteered to do this and rather, just lost at rock, paper, scissors, as per usual.

He enters the kitchen smiling and the smile grows bigger when he sees Hyunjin. He has his back to Jisung, but it’s been _days_ since they’ve seen each other in person, never mind the fact that they live in the same city and go to the same university, and Jisung’s missed him. So, he doesn’t hesitate before crossing the floor and wrapping his arms around Hyunjin. Face buried between his boyfriend’s shoulder blades, Jisung feels Hyunjin tense, but the moment when he usually calms down never comes. Instead, Hyunjin barely reacts other than letting out a sigh and going back to what he’s doing.

“Honey, hi,” Jisung tries, hopes the pet name usage is enough to make things less awkward and even though Hyunjin doesn’t relax completely, some of the tension on his shoulders does ease up a bit and he rests a hand on top of Jisung’s. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Hyunjin’s voice is not much louder than a whisper, which on itself is not concerning, yet there’s _something_ about the way he says it. The tone is not appeasing, he’s genuine about it, but there’s an underlying sadness to it that doesn’t _fit_ his boyfriend. It’s enough to have Jisung worried, enough to make him want to push it though Hyunjin speaks before he can. “Go sit down, I’ll bring the drinks in a minute.”

Choosing not to push it, Jisung presses a kiss to the side of Hyunjin’s neck before moving back to the living room. The others have gone back to chatting as Minho puts on the movie, but Jisung’s eyes meet Felix’s whose furrowed brows have Jisung wondering if he should genuinely be concerned. 

He side steps the bodies sprawled on the floor, taking a seat on the extreme opposite of the couch from where Chan and Felix are already cuddling and whispering conspicuously to each other. Jisung reckons he could _ask_ – if there’s a problem with Hyunjin that he chose to share with Felix but not to him, Jisung strongly doubts Felix will tell him – but ultimately decides to switch his focus to the conversation at hand, which mostly involves Changbin and Seungmin teasing Jeongin about his studies.

It doesn’t take long at all for Hyunjin to appear holding three cups between his two – honestly enormous and devastatingly beautiful, in Jisung’s opinion – hands. He hands them over to the three on the floor and goes back to the kitchen to retrieve the rest. Hyunjin leaves his and Jisung’s drinks for last, hesitating only slightly before squeezing himself between Jisung and Felix, handing over Jisung’s glass of juice.

(Might be ridiculous for him to be _touched_ that Hyunjin remembered not to give him soda considering it’s the evening and Jisung and caffeine are not a good match past 6pm if he plans on sleeping, but he’s taking what he can get at this point.) 

Usually their seating arrangement wouldn’t be much of an issue as this is how it tends to be – Minho and Changbin each take an armchair; Chan, Felix, Hyunjin and Jisung, the couples of the group, arrange themselves in the couch; and the two youngest have the floor all to themselves – except tonight Hyunjin seems reluctant to snuggle up to Jisung the way he usually does. Instead, he sits curled in on himself, both feet on the couch and arms tight around his knees. 

The movie starts playing but Jisung won’t pretend to be doing anything other than watching his boyfriend. The sips Hyunjin takes of his juice are tentative, every move he makes staggered. His eyes are glued on the TV, except Jisung’s been the target of Hyunjin’s attention enough times to realize his gaze lacks focus. More than once, Hyunjin fidgets. Plays with the rings on his fingers, taps his nails against the side of the glass, bites his lips – none of which are common Hyunjin actions.

Jisung realizes the selfishness in his thoughts to have considered the issue was him when it looks more like a confirmation that Hyunjin has his own problems to deal with. Problems that don’t necessarily concern Jisung. Sure, he would’ve liked it if his boyfriend had trusted him with them, but for once he tries the exercises his therapist had taught him in an attempt to look at things from another angle. Maybe Hyunjin hasn’t had the opportunity yet, maybe he’s waiting for things to get better before having this conversation with Hyunjin.

There are dozens of options that are better than the alternative that has been building up in the back of his mind since the third time Hyunjin arranged an excuse not to meet with him and Jisung puts in conscious effort to focus on them instead.

Yet that doesn’t mean Jisung doesn’t want to offer Hyunjin some type of comfort. He doesn’t know exactly what his boyfriend wants or needs from him, and it’s with that thought in mind that he tries as subtly as possible to put his arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders. He’s careful about it while still trying not to be too sneaky, lest he startles Hyunjin unnecessarily. 

The moment Hyunjin tenses is the moment Jisung realizes his boyfriend’s become aware of what he’s trying to do. The rigid set of his shoulders is enough to have Jisung drawing back but Hyunjin relaxes much faster this time. A beat passes still before his boyfriend moves yet on the next one, Jisung has Hyunjin’s head resting on the crook of his neck and he automatically shifts to press a kiss to the crown of Hyunjin’s head.

His eyes meet Felix’s over Hyunjin’s hair and his friend gives him an encouraging smile just as Hyunjin wraps his own arms around Jisung’s waist. At one point of the movie, Hyunjin’s head makes its way to rest on Jisung’s shoulder and it’s the first time in days his mind empties of any concerns. Jisung shifts to press a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead and receives an answering smile.

There’s no point in pretending Jisung pays any attention to what they are watching, and he only realizes the movie is over when Changbin’s voice breaks a silence that had settled between the eight of them.

“Well, that ending was bullshit.”

Jisung drowns out the conversations that start from there, the discussions about the content of the movie he could not explain even if he wanted to. He turns his attention back to his boyfriend and it’s when he notices Hyunjin’s fallen asleep. He’s reluctant to wake him up but his dorm has a curfew, so do Hyujin’s parents, and the last thing Jisung wants is for the other boy to get in trouble.

“Hey,” he brushes a finger against Hyunjin’s forehead softly. “Honey, wake up.”

Hyunjin’s eyes fall open slowly. It appears to take him a few extra moments to realize where he is and where he fell asleep. Once he does, he drowsily moves away from Jisung, stretching his arms above his head and yawning loudly. Jisung has to fight back the urge to pinch his cheeks and call him adorable, like he normally would, too fearful that perhaps Hyunjin had only conceded because he was tired. The smile – shy and small, but there – that Hyunjin gives him once he turns to look at Jisung has him regretting holding back on the teasing.

“Want me to take you to the station?” Jisung offers. Hyunjin’s parents live far enough from the boys’ apartment that he’d have no option other than taking the bus or the subway to go home.

Hyunjin shakes his head. “Can I stay over at yours tonight?” The surprise must be blatant on his face because his boyfriend’s reaction is to look down at his hands. “I told my parents I was going to stay here but I was hoping I could go with you.”

Jisung is nodding before Hyunjin’s even finished speaking and the older boy lets out a chuckle once he looks up and notices it.

“Of course, yeah,” he stands up, offering Hyunjin a hand. Jisung pretends not to be relieved when he takes it. “Felix is staying here, I assume.” The two of them turn to look at the boy who’s still looking pretty comfortable with his legs over Chan’s legs, a clear indication he’s not planning on going anywhere. Jisung addresses Hyunjin again. “Honestly, why does he even pay for a dorm if he spends most nights at his boyfriend’s?”

Hyunjin just chuckles at him, dragging the two of them towards the door. Goodbyes are exchanged, Changbin yells at Jisung not to arrive late to the studio the next morning, and then they are gone.

The night is colder than Jisung expected and the flimsy jacket he had thrown on does a terrible job at keeping him warm. Hyunjin hasn’t let go of his hand and so he notices the chill that goes through Jisung’s body. The dorm is not far enough that the cold will be uncomfortable but the taller boy still lets go of Jisung’s hand to put his arms around his shoulders and Jisung doesn’t hide his beam as he leans closer.

They are quiet the rest of the way to the dorm and are met with a small crowd gathered in Jisung’s floor’s common area. They are playing cards, containers of take out scattered around them. Daehwi he calls out to Hyunjin who lets him know they can talk in the morning. His friend answers with a wiggle of eyebrows and teasing comments, which have Hyunjin blushing and Jisung laughing. He lets Hyunjin wrap his hand around his wrist and drag him to his room.

Shoes stacked inside the cabinet by the door, Jisung doesn’t hesitate to throw himself face first on his bed. He had completely forgotten to make it before leaving for class, too worried about not being late, and he feels tired enough that he can’t bring himself to care about lying down on his mostly clean sheets with outside clothes.

“Today was exhausting,” voice muffled by the pillow, Jisung feels the mattress shifting as Hyunjin takes a seat by his side. “Why did I think picking a morning and an afternoon class would be a good idea? Not to mention Chan hyung and Changbin hyung took up my _entire_ lunch time because they wanted to finish the song today. I had to eat hotteok for lunch! And don’t get me wrong, I _love_ hotteok but I didn’t want to eat it for lunch! I didn’t have time to wait for ramen to cook, so I went to class practically hungry and now I’m _still_ hungry even after eating all those snacks I bought. Are you also hungry? Maybe we could order something, it’s still early enough, or we could even go grab something nearby, I’m sure it won’t take us more than half an hour for that-“

“Baby,” Hyunjin interrupts Jisung’s rambling just as Jisung is sitting up and reaching for his phone in his back pocket. His gaze drifts towards his boyfriend and the look on Hyunjin’s face is a weird mix of fond and sad. “I need to talk to you about something.”

That’s enough to have every single one of Jisung’s worries for the past week – nay, for the past _year_ they’ve been together – break the surface. It’s inevitable that his brain would conjure every piece of evidence of the doom of their relationship he had vaguely noticed and push it to the forefront of his mind.

 _Of course_ Hyunjin didn’t want to meet up with him. After all, he had taken the week to decide the best way to let Jisung down gently. Jisung knows Hyunjin has this much consideration. A lousy break up is not something Hyunjin would subscribe to and Jisung likes to believe his boyfriend’s feelings are strong – or at least were, at one point – enough that it hadn’t crossed his mind to break up with him through the phone. God, this would’ve crushed Jisung. He knows it’d be a straightway ticket back to the deepest and scariest pits of his mind for a few days if all he had gotten was a text.

He doesn’t _want_ their relationship to end, that’s the thing. Jisung reckons that’s how break ups go sometimes; one person wanting it to be over and the other either being taken by surprise or not being as certain of the end. There had been no signs before this past week that things were declining between them. If anything, he thought they had taken quite a big step when they went to Hyunjin’s place to introduce Jisung as his boyfriend officially, after a year of dating.

Jisung won’t pretend to know everything about relationships as this is his first serious one but Hyunjin makes him happy. He loves Hyunjin, more than he thought he’d ever be able to love someone, and he doesn’t want it to be over.

He forces himself to sit up straight, folding his hands on his lap. His first reaction is to keep his gaze down, to not look Hyunjin in the eyes because he doesn’t want to _see_. Jisung knows his boyfriend, knows he’s likely going to cry if Jisung does too and he doesn’t want that.

It’s not fair for him to run when it had probably taken Hyunjin so much strength to do this, though, so he’s looking Hyunjin in the eyes when he asks; “Are you going to break up with me?”

Hyunjin freezes, staring back at him with wide eyes and Jisung takes that reaction for what it is. He _has_ to look away if he doesn’t want to cry, but he still finds himself blinking back tears as he turns his head.

“It’s okay if you are,” he says, not interested in having an awkward silence settle between them. “I’m not going to be mad or anything. I think it’s very considerate of you to be doing that in person, I know some people are awful about this and do it through phone calls or texting and that would be… Terrible, wouldn’t it? I don’t know, I’ve never been broken up with before. I haven’t broken up with anyone either. You know that, you’re my first boyfriend. There’s a first for everything! Wasn’t really expecting my first break up to happen today though, so that’s why I’m crying. Actually, no, I’m not crying, don’t worry! It’s just some… Some tears that are falling down, it’s nothing to concern you. Not that I think you should be concerned about me right now because obviously you don’t feel like that about me anymore, which is fine, it just happens and-,“

Jisung’s words are cut off by Hyunjin framing his face with his hands, carefully turning his head so they are looking at each other. His suspicions are confirmed that Hyunjin did indeed start crying as soon as Jisung did but the tears slowly tickling down his face are subdued compared to his usual sobbing style of crying.

“Jisung, baby, I’m not breaking up with you.”

The relief that rushes through him at those words is like a tidal wave crashing, strong enough to have Jisung lying back down, and he inevitably takes Hyunjin with him. Hyunjin goes willingly, thumbs brushing away the tears that are somehow still falling. The churning of his stomach eases enough that Jisung notices his eyes have fallen shut. He blinks them open and is met with the sight of Hyunjin’s smile – it’s downturned, though, as if there’s _more_. The certainty in his reassurance that their relationship is not over was enough to calm Jisung’s heart though, so he doesn’t worry much.

“You- you really got me worried there for a second,” his voice cracks when he goes to speak and Hyunjin snorts out a laugh. “I mean it! This past week… I tried not to overthink, but you know how I am, honey. Once I get going I just… go.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Hyujin lets his head fall, forehead resting against Jisung’s chest. Being met with the sight of the top of Hyunjin’s head is a shame because now Jisung isn’t scared about the possibility of them breaking up, there’s nothing more he wants than to look at his boyfriend’s beautiful face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I was just really caught up in my own thoughts and I just- I didn’t think. I know I should’ve said something, Chan hyung already scolded me today for it, and I’m really, _really_ sorry.”

Jisung tugs on the back of Hyunjin’s hair, getting his boyfriend to tilt his head back so he can lean down and press their lips together. It’s their first kiss in over a week but Jisung chooses not to deepen it. It’s short lived and he leans away from Hyunjin with a furrowed brow.

“What is it you wanted to talk about then?”

Hyunjin takes a deep breath. He shrugs out of Jisung’s grip so he can sit back up and Jisung has no choice but to follow.

“You know how we met Chan hyung’s friend Doyoung a couple of months ago, at that club?” Jisung has a vague recollection of such a thing happening but he’s never been known for having a good memory and he was also drunk. He nods anyway, because he knows who Hyunjin is talking about, just struggling to understand the relevance. “You know how they asked us to refer to them in a gender-neutral way because they don’t identify as a man or a woman?” Jisung nods again. “After that, I kept thinking about it. About the… possibility, I guess? Of not being either. Or being both. And being a little bit of one but not the other. About how gender is this _thing_ that we’re told we have to be, and we have to navigate life like this as if there’s no other option.”

It’s honestly not a thought Jisung’s ever had. He has trans friends, knows people who, just like Doyoung, ask not to be referred to as either a man or a woman. But for _himself_? Even as he became aware of that possibility, his gender’s never been something he had to think about, and he does recognize his privilege in that.

“So, I asked Chan hyung about it and he said he honestly didn’t know much, but you know how he is,” Hyunjin’s eye roll is fond. “He asked me to wait for a couple of days and then gave me this entire binder with material he got from the internet, all of it translated to the best of his ability. I didn’t even have to ask. He also gave me Doyoung’s number and let me know he had already texted them and they were willing to answer my questions if I had them. Suddenly everything that had been theoretical in my mind was literally _in my hands_.”

Jisung doesn’t think Hyunjin realizes that but he notices how Hyunjin grows more and more emotional as he talks. His hands move more freely, the emotions written on his face changing with every word that comes out. Hyunjin is just so _expressive_ in everything he does, especially when it’s something that matters to him. It’s very obvious to Jisung how important this conversation is to him and the week of distance makes a lot more sense.

“I met up with Doyoung and they spoke to me about their experience, how it was to them, how they felt going through all of this. They told me they were very lonely at first before they found people who gave them the support they needed and how everything was slightly easier after that. They were pretty wonderful and open in a way I didn’t expect them to be,” Jisung reaches out to wipe Hyunjin’s tears and Hyunjin holds onto Jisung’s wrists, keeping his hands there. His eyes are closed. “We also talked about their experience coming out to their partners and how scared they were before they did it because it’s not an easy topic. It’s- it’s inevitable they’d be nervous and anxious and not know how to approach this conversation. That they would need some time to figure things out before telling them about it.”

And Jisung is not going to pretend to be the smartest person in the world, but he has a vague idea Hyunjin is not talking about Doyoung anymore.

He waits, though. Until Hyunjin’s breath is steadier, until his grip on Jisung’s wrists loosens enough that he can run his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, until Hyunjin’s eyes open and Jisung _understands_.

“I’ve never felt comfortable identifying as a boy, but I didn’t want to be a woman so I didn’t think that there was any other option but then I found out there is, actually,” Hyunjin’s chuckle is wet, tears flowing freely. “All this to say that I’m nonbinary. There are better, more specific terms to explain how I identify but I’m not a boy and I’m not a girl either. I just- I just am, I guess.”

Jisung blinks. Once, twice. It’s- It’s not a _lot_ to digest, per se. He chooses to believe that knowing he was not straight for most of his life had made him a fairly accepting person of anyone’s sexuality or gender identity, even if he won’t pretend to understand anything other than his own experience. He learned very young that someone within the queer community whose experience of sexuality and identity differ from his is not his enemy, that there are other people they are supposed to stand against. Thus, this information doesn’t draw any remotely negative reaction from him.

He’s mostly confused while wanting to be as respectful in his confusion as possible.

“Did you- Why were you worried about telling me this?” Jisung tilts his head, hands framing Hyunjin’s face. “Hyunjin, I love you. There’s very little you could tell me that would change that. Didn’t I tell you once that if you kill someone, I’ll get rid of the body? This is nowhere near murder.”

That at least has Hyunjin smiling but it’s a fickle, easily gone thing, his insecurities visibly getting the best of him with the way his eyes refuse to meet Jisung’s.

“We had a conversation, a few months ago, about sexuality and whatever,” he sniffles. Jisung’s memory will forever betray him, as he doesn’t have any recollection of that. “It wasn’t anything serious, but you talked about how you’ve never been attracted to women and how that’s always made you identify as gay. I’m not a trans woman but I am female aligned, and I just thought- I believed that would count and that you wouldn’t feel comfortable in our relationship anymore. So, I needed this time to figure things out for myself, how to bring this up, but also… To prepare myself for the possibility of you breaking up with me.”

 _That_ is possibly the most shocking thing Hyunjin’s said all night.

All along, while Jisung had been worried that Hyunjin was gearing up to end their relationship, Hyunjin was concerned that eventually Jisung would want to be the one to end it because of what Hyunjin had to tell him.

Jisung scoffs. They are both idiots.

“ _Hoooooney_ ,” he wraps his arms around Hyunjin, pulling the two of them to lie back down on the bed, their legs tangled. As soon as they find a comfortable position, Jisung starts peppering kisses all over Hyunjin’s face, in the hopes of getting a smile, which he does. “I don’t remember saying that because you know how shit my memory is, but that’s not- My sexuality is more than just the experiences that I’ve had in the past. Imagine if everybody’s sexuality was defined only by what happened and not by what happens eventually?” Jisung shakes his head, brushing his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair. “Like I said, there’s _very_ little that you could do or be that would change my mind about our relationship, and your gender identity is just not one of those things, at all.”

Hyunjin’s shoulders visibly sag in obvious relief and Jisung leans in for another kiss, one that lingers this time. He only draws back once he realizes he forgot to ask something important.

“How would you prefer to be referred to?” Hyunjin had mentioned not being a boy and Jisung reckons this is important. “Should I call you my girlfriend? My partner? My other half? The love of my life?”

Hyunjin giggles, shoving Jisung’s face away playfully.

“Since I’m female aligned, anything female coded or neutral is fine, you can call me whatever you want,” Hyunjin offers and Jisung beams.

“Can I call you tomorrow then?”

This time the shove is slightly less playful and Hyunjin flat out groans, attempting to leave the bed. Jisung wraps his arms and legs around her, though, keeping her from moving while he presses kisses to the side of her neck. Eventually Hyunjin relaxes into his hold, turning back around so she can bury her face on his neck.

It feels so good, having Hyunjin in his arms again. It’d only been a week but the two of them have never hesitated when it comes to touching each other, either in public or private. A week is enough to have made him feel deprived of his favorite person. He wants to do nothing but to keep his face buried on Hyunjin’s hair and fall asleep right then and there, but the moment of silence is enough to have him think over the entire evening and realize how much of a fool he had been.

“Honey, I’m so sorry.”

Hyunjin hums. “What for?”

“You had this super important thing you wanted to tell me, that you wanted to share with me, and I- I really made it all about myself, didn’t I?” Hyunjin leans back at that and she looks at him, brows furrowed in confusion. “I made up this entire situation in my head that you wanted to break up with me and took attention away from your actual real doubts and insecurities. That was so selfish, I’m sorry.”

She’s shaking his head before Jisung’s done talking, moving closer to him so she can brush her lips against his cheek.

“It’s not your fault and I’m not upset at you for that,” she wraps her own arms around him, grip tight. “I think the problem was miscommunication. We should’ve just been honest with each other. There’s no one to blame here, we just have to get better at talking.”

“I’m really good at talking,” Jisung points out and she slaps his shoulder.

“You’re good at rambling, not talking about serious things when they need to be talked about,” Hyunjin rolls her eyes. “Not that I have a place to stand here, I know I suck at it too.”

Jisung chuckles. “We’re really bad at it, aren’t we?”

Hyunjin laughs, nodding.

Another silence falls between them, this time broken when Jisung’s stomach grumbles.

His girlfriend giggles as they get up. There’s only ten minutes left before curfew so they’ll have to settle for the ramen machine in the basement, but Jisung’s so hungry he’s even willing to eat whatever leftovers they can find in the common room fridge. That on itself is the proof of despair.

“Hey, honey,” Jisung calls to Hyunjin as he changes his shirt to a slightly less dirty and more comfortable one and Hyunjin scrolls through her phone, already standing by the open door. She hums to let him know she’s listening. “I love you.”

The smile that breaks on Hyunjin’s face is breathtaking – she’s truly, _truly_ the most beautiful person Jisung’s ever met in his entire life. “I love you too.”

“I’m still going to stumble sometimes but I’m going to try as hard as I can, not only because I love you but because it’s also the least I can do,” he walks up to her when he’s done changing and Hyunjin reaches out to take his hand.

“We can figure things out together, yeah?”

“Yeah, together.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! kudos and comments are very much welcome. find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/flameoflovc) as well.


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